Absurdity Observer – March 2021 Edition

  • Journalist and creator of Druthers News, Shawn Jason, received an $880 fine while live-streaming an anti-lockdown protest in downtown Toronto during “stay-at-home orders” despite being alone and continuously walking (outdoor exercising is ‘allowed’). Numerous unjustified fines and arrests were given to the protesters that day and in the weeks prior.
  • Quebec’s Executive Council revealed that the COVID-19 communications project has budgeted around $13 million per month for a COVID-19 awareness ad campaign.
  • In a news release issued February 18th (a full year after COVID entered Canada), the Ontario government announced it is investing $2.5 million in wearable contact tracing technology that will alert users if they may have been exposed to COVID-19, AND will beep or vibrate if they are within six feet of another person.
  • Pastor James Coates, of GraceLife Church near Edmonton, has become Canada’s first pastor to be jailed for holding indoor worship services.
  • Mainstream media widely reported though-out the month of February on a study done by the CDC that concludes that 2 masks are better than 1. What the mainstream failed to mention is that this study was conducted on dummy heads!
  • Facebook has barred the world from finding and sharing Australian news on its platform in a dramatic escalation of a fight with the Australian government over proposed publisher payment regulations.
  • After the White House asked tech giants Facebook, Twitter, and Google to suppress vaccine “misinformation,” Facebook is now banning everything they deem as “anti-vaxx misinformation” across the world. Facebook will also start showing users in Canada less political content (content from “official sources” such as the government will be exempt).
  • Europe’s oldest known person, 117-year-old Sister Andre, survives after testing positive for COVID-19. She experienced no symptoms during the course of her COVID-19 experience.
  • After deploying 200 police officers, half a dozen manure producing riot horses, and police breaking into his property to change the locks, The City of Toronto has billed Adamson BBQ owner Adam Skelly $187,000 to cover the cost of enforcing lockdown regulations on the days he attempted to open his restaurant to the public.
  • The Muppet Show is now deemed as “offensive content” by Disney+ and is now only viewable by adults.
  • In New Brunswick, an 80-year old woman visiting her husband was kicked out of hospital for holding her husband’s hand. She was just supposed to sit in the chair by an X marked on the floor that was six feet away.
  • In a shocking revelation, the FDA admitted they have yet to analyze any vaccine safety data from their monitoring system “BEST” and do not plan on analyzing the data until another 2+ months from now due to technical challenges in the development of their systems. The FDA has yet to officially approve any COVID-19 vaccine as they need to analyze safety data to do so. Until the data is analyzed, the COVID-19 vaccines are receiving a more limited approval called ‘Emergency Use Authorization.”
  • A new vaccine shot by Moderna is now in the works to address the new vaccine-resistant South African variant. Once completed, people would then have to take 3 shots total to be fully vaccinated against Covid-19 (assuming more vaccines for vaccine resistant variants don’t pop up).
  • A new report by the Ontario Financial Accountability Office indicates that Ontario saw the largest annual decline in employment on record last year. Ontario lost 355,300 jobs in 2020.
  • While the restrictions are causing Canadians to lose their jobs and their income, the very people who are making the rules haven’t lost a single paycheck during this time.
  • Ontario MPP Roman Baber, who previously made news by denouncing lockdowns, is now introducing a bill to slash parliamentarian salaries to CERB levels so elected officials can “appreciate the consequences” of shutdowns. The act is cleverly called the “We Are All in This Together Act.”
  • With Israel being the most vaccinated country in the world by far, with over 44% inoculated by at least 1 shot, the country is now announcing a “Green Pass” program for recipients of the COVID-19 vaccine. The “Green Pass” will allow holders to access public spaces such as sports events, restaurants, hotels, and even some grocery stores, while those who haven’t had the shot will remain on lockdown. A bill was also passed allowing authorities to put Israelis who don’t get vaccinated to have their identities put on a list.
  • The International Monetary Fund is calling for individuals credits scores to be tied into their internet search history.
  • A man working in a Montreal quarantine hotel has been charged with sexually assaulting a detained woman. The woman claims she felt helpless because the rules of quarantine mean not disclosing the location of the captive citizens to their loved ones. Being unable to leave her room, she called hotel security who took nearly 20 minutes to arrive.
  • A quarantine enforcement officer in the Toronto area had been changed with extorting and assaulting a woman at her home when he went to do a quarantine check.
  • A professional smear campaign by Global News is taking place against a maskless Burnaby man. When Chris Ivany did not immediately exit the store when asked, a gang of Canadian Tire employees aggressively surrounded him and brought him to the floor while chocking him. Video footage, captured by another customer, shows Chris’ face turning purple while being choked, exclaiming he couldn’t breathe, while staff attempt to handcuff him. Chris claims he never punched anyone, but Global News said he did and also conveniently cut out the part of the video where he was choked.
  • A personal bailout for the bureaucrats is taking place under a new US Bill called the “Emergency Federal Employee Leave Fund.” While US citizens get a one-time check of $1400 USD under the stimulus package, federal employees who choose to take time off work to care for their children get $1400 USD PER WEEK.
  • Toronto has a new version of Chair Girl: “Garbage Guy”! During a downtown Toronto Freedom protest, Garbage Guy threw a bag of frozen garbage off his balcony, hitting a protester in the face down below. The victim, Roman, experienced minor scrapes and swelling on the side of his face. Charges have been laid. There were children and elderly protesters that day but, of course, the mainstream media never covered this story, and are still giving updates on Chair Girl 2 years later.